“Do you guys ever think about dying?”
- Barbie
I love the idea of letting go. It sounds relaxing, and seems to subtly imply that something rather soft and lovely will be on the other end to catch me. Or maybe something muscular and certain.
Of course I’m not talking about absolute death. If we learned anything from the Barbie movie, that’s a quick way to ruin the vibe, and we’re all still getting to know each other here. I’m talking about those particular areas in our lives that have become contentious, sticky, or where progress has been hard to come by. I’m talking about the places where we might be ready for a transformation - a death - a letting go of one way of being and opening up to a new one.
You’ll know you’re at the end of the line with something not by an infusion of motivation or because you’ve attained that certain level of security (enough time, enough resources, enough career success, etc), but by allowing yourself to see clearly that you’ve exhausted all the possibilities that are available from the particular perspective you’ve been inhabiting.
book recommendation:
In his book, “Near Enemies of the Truth,” Dr. Christopher Wallis calls out seemingly helpful spiritual platitudes like “be your best self,” “follow your bliss,” and “you create your own reality,” to demonstrate how the misinterpretation of these near-truths can stand in the way of a more radically free life.
For example, the project of self improvement can actually undermine the process of spiritual awakening, which Wallis defines as discovering the true nature of reality / clear seeing / freeing ourselves of all the mental filters that cause frustration and suffering. This is because the “best” version of ourselves that we want to be is a socially conditioned figment of our imagination that is seen as preferable to the psyche and personality we have now. By thinking in this way, we create a situation in which we almost constantly fail to live up to how we think we should be, necessitating some version of self hatred. This drains you of the life energy that would allow you to otherwise contribute to the world.
a quote I’m inspired by:
When it's over, I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it's over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
- Mary Oliver, from her poem: When Death Comes
but how though?
Let’s say that hypothetically, one were to agree to this relinquishing of control. How would you actually do the letting go? Who would be in charge? What would we do with our hands? Will I still get to be right? Will I still be guaranteed a nice paycheck? Surely I won’t have to rock the boat and create any disturbances in my current relationships, right?
…. right?
In “Near Enemies,” Wallis reminds us that the ego would rather be right than happy. If there is any sign of the zodiac that would rather be happy though, it’s Pisces. So we have a potent opening available to us with this new moon.
Pisces ♓️ is the last sign of the zodiacal wheel; it’s the sign that completes the circle before we begin anew, either digging our heels in and clinging to the same ideologies and identities as the last time around, or ready to be resourced by something infinitely more creative and life-giving.
Pisces is what happens at the end - before the beginning - after all the thinking and trying and problem solving and the waiting until we’re ready. At some point, we will simply and inevitably let go and return to the place where life begins. We can let go by choice, or by having something taken from us, or by March 19th when the beginning of Aries ♈️ season arrives.
To return doesn’t mean to go back; it means to come full circle and return to the wholeness at the source. If we want to fully engage with our lives, to make of our lives something particular, and real, we can make a commitment to move from this source, rather than from safety or certainty or needing to know exactly how it’s all going to work out.
If you knew the outcome, it wouldn’t be letting go. It wouldn’t be living.
The way that this source expresses through each of us is vast, strange, and magnificently diverse. You’ll recognize what is yours to commit to by returning to what makes you come alive. These will be the places, practices, and perspectives that fill you up, rather than the ones that align you to a sense of scarcity.
By doing so, you will find, miraculously, that this returning is what leads you to a much more fulfilling life than the one you could plan for or figure out ahead of time.
Don’t just take my word for it though, get out there and test it! The new moon in Pisces suggests: start with a nap before the beginning.
I’ll meet you back here on March 25th for the full moon lunar eclipse in Libra, and I’ll do my best to talk less about death next time, but no promises.
💚
Coach Laura
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